internal change
i might not look different. neither do i sound different in my accent. maybe my command of the chinese language hasnt changed much.
but i do feel a difference after the china trip, believe it or not
i’ve learnt much during the trip, but nothing so much as what i’ve learnt and felt personally. interactions with my teachers and friends have helped me to realize who i really am
from an introvert background, you can learn to be another person: to speak up and change the community. that’s the path i went through. pressure crafted me into the person i am today
but there are certain things that pressure cannot change. and that’s the mistakes i made in the past. roughly one year ago, it was the beginning of the mistake that i stubbornly dwelled into. despite advise and obvious signs, i stubbornly ignored all of them.
i accept the consequences. i deserve them.
but there is one consequence that i was i could undo. i’m been working real hard to overturn it. but…i think my efforts aren’t bearing any fruits. maybe our time is over. i’m on the verge of giving up. i don’t know.
if you’re the one concerned, well…just know that what happened has happened. it has impacted us greatly and there is no turning back. thank you for the memories 
as for you, i’m working hard to win your heart and soul. whatever it takes, i’ll try my very best
